


Worth the Risk

by dreamsandlove



Series: SVU: Dominick “Sonny” Carisi/Amanda Rollins Codas and Fix-it Fics [1]
Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: 22x04, Aftermath, Amanda’s POV, Coda, Communication, Cuddling & Snuggling, F/M, Feels, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Kissing, Love Confessions, Openness, adoration, episode: 22ep04, waking up in bed together
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-14
Updated: 2021-01-15
Packaged: 2021-03-18 16:20:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28746078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreamsandlove/pseuds/dreamsandlove
Summary: Amanda is nervous and has a confession; Carisi is unsure about what’s happening.[New updates to the entire fic.]Amanda’s POVCoda 22x04Chapter 2 is posted! :)+++UPDATED AGAIN: Typos and wonky sentences fixed(-ish). Please don’t hesitate to give me feedback (it sucks not having a good beta (it’s bc I’m my own beta 😆))+++
Relationships: Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr. & Amanda Rollins, Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr./Amanda Rollins
Series: SVU: Dominick “Sonny” Carisi/Amanda Rollins Codas and Fix-it Fics [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2109435
Comments: 8
Kudos: 47





	1. Worth the Risk

**Author's Note:**

> Recently I’ve been trying my hand at a couple of codas. We shall see how this one fits. I’ve been off/on fandom writing about a year, so some fics are much better than others. Please know that I do reread all works eventually and catch most typos. 
> 
> Please be gentle. This my first for this fandom. [I’m hoping to create a multi chapter fic fixing the fluff and love these two deserve. Full disclosure, there will likely be x-rated fluff/loving smut at some point, but tags will be updated for those who would prefer not to read those things.] 
> 
> I hope you enjoy it! 💗

“Hey, Sonny!” She called

He turned toward her. 

“Wanna come over?” Trying to play it cool, Amanda felt like a jumbled clump of nerves. 

“Nah. I have a lot of prep for the upcoming trial. Thanks though.”

Heart thundering in her chest, Amanda tried not to panic. “Please? It’s just that New Year’s got messed up and everything. Like maybe let’s have a do over?”

  
A shrug and slight flip of her hair, a sign of nervousness he’d surely notice. Not so suave for a recovering gambler. 

“Oh.” Silence. Amanda felt like an idiot. “Yeah, sure. I just can’t stay too late.”

“Great.” No doubt the smile on her face betrayed her relief, but she aimed for easy-going, as they walked toward the subway that would lead them to her apartment. 

The ride and conversation were amenable, fairly surface level, definitely strained on her part. She’d thought about this thoroughly in her head, but the actual follow through proved much more difficult. Sonny was likely reacting to her stilted behavior, which only made her more self conscious of each move. 

_Get it together, Amanda!_

They finally walked through the door and an unusual silence met them. 

Seemingly without thought, Carisi took off his jacket, and draped it over a nearby chair. Briefcase placed on the cushion as he looked around. 

“Where are the girls?” He frowned. 

Back turned to him, hanging up her coat, and, _not_ avoiding his gaze, she _casually_ , replied. “Sleeping over with the nanny. Just you and me tonight.”

Silence. Again.

_Fuck!_

Facing him, Amanda took a deep breath. 

“Is that okay?”

Sonny’s face looked surprised and a bit confused. Before her hopes could completely be demolished he answered. 

“Yeah! Yes. I mean, sure.” 

Smiling to herself Amanda headed to the kitchen to reheat the lasagna she had baked earlier. It was Carisi’s mother’s recipe, and she hoped she’d done it justice. 

Pouring them each a glass of red wine she met him on the couch. The two were mirror images of one another, one knee on the cushion, the other on the floor.

Amanda noticed he’d taken off his shoes and was wearing the pair of socks her girls had given him as a Christmas present. The socks were dark grey, but the toes were bright pink with white polka dots (as where the tops of the socks, hidden by his pants). 

“I like your socks.” Grinning, she nodded and sipped her wine. 

His laughter filled the air and immediately her body warmed. 

“Two gorgeous girls gave them to me.”

“Lucky man.” Murmured over her glass. 

“ _I am_.” Sonny’s tone was slightly less playful, eyes soft...and perhaps a bit serious. Not coyly hidden by a glass, no obstruction, said clearly, plain as day. 

Amanda bit her lip then downed the rest of her wine. 

“Whoa, where’s the fire, Rollins?” Sonny took a swig of his wine, and was back to his jovial self. 

Flustered and nervous, Amanda tried to remember her stint in vice. Focusing on how to calm her body so she could connect with the target. Ensuring her objective would be met. 

“Nah, you know me. Just trying to unwind after a long day.”

“Riiiight.” Scooting over on the couch Sonny leaned back, giving her his perfect profile to admire. “Let me know if there’s anything I can do, anything you want to talk about.” 

_Carisi!_

“Sure. Will do.” 

With a little liquid courage, she popped into the kitchen to grab a bottle of water and check on their meal. 

“Should be ready in about another fifteen.”

“Sounds good.”

Facing him, Amanda sat nearby, perhaps a tiny bit closer than before. 

This time their silence was more comfortable, which allowed her to be brave. 

“Hey, Carisi, I need to talk to you about something.”

Almost immediately he sat up, wine placed on the table, his face turned toward her. 

“Whats up? Everything okay?” Elbows leaned on his knees he looked relaxed, and also completely attuned. What a rarity. 

Drinking some water, she reassured him. “Yes, everything is fine. I-I, just wanted to...I need to tell you something.”

The earnest look on Sonny’s face almost broke her. His concern, his care, his sincerity shone through. 

“Amanada, you can tell me anything. You know that.” 

It was as if she was fortified by the intensity of his reactions. A heavy breath, chest a tad tight, followed by a nod. 

_Here goes nothing..._

“After everything that’s happened over the past year, with the pandemic and politics and everything, _and_ all we’ve been through together...I-I just wanted you to know how much...how much the girls enjoy spending time with you.” 

His eyes crinkled with joy (and maybe relief), which only served to fill her heart and fuel her motivation. 

“They ask about you constantly, can’t wait for the next new adventure you’ll take them on, and they think you’re the best.” 

Smile wide and bright, “Glad to know. I feel the same way.”

“Dominick...they want you here…” her eyes darted to the corner of the room, “I...I want you here.”

Chancing a look at him, his face appeared gobsmacked. She knew using his given name versus his nickname would clue him in to the seriousness of what she was saying. 

“Amanda, what are you saying?”

_Ooorrrr maybe not. Not gonna make this easy on me, huh?_

He had every right to be skeptical, she’d put him through a magnitude of ups and downs over the years. It wasn’t until recently that she even understood why. Dominick had a right to know, so she pressed on. 

“Every time you come through the door I want to wrap my arms around you, every time you have to leave I want to grab your hands and tell you to stay.” Feeling a bit sweaty and nauseous, Amanda said the next part and hoped like hell she didn’t humiliate herself. “W-when you tell me you have a long night ahead of you, lots of briefs to go over for work, and need to head to your apartment...I-I want you to come home to us...t-to _me_ to do those things.”

Somewhere along the way she’d averted her gaze. Feeling stripped raw and exposed, but resolute in her decision to finally tell him the truth.

Eyes closed for just a moment, she looked at him. 

His face was inscrutable as ever. “But, but…you—“

“I know! I know! You’ve made it clear, more than once, that you’d be open to more, and each time I’ve turned you away.”

“So I stopped.” Eyes widened, confusion mounted in his voice. 

“And I appreciate that, I do. I think your...your respect for me let me have the time I needed to think. I have a terrible past with men (and dating in general), so with you I didn’t know what to do. You’re not just some guy and I didn’t ever want to hurt you.”

Silence. Sonny nodded and waited. 

“I’m pretty sure I worked it out and I wanted you to know.” Deep, deep breath. “The only reason I ever said ’no’ wasn't ever because I prefered someone else.” Heart hammering, skin hot, Amanda’s body felt tense all over. “I was scared. Scared I’d never want anyone else as much as I want you, when I inevitably fuck it up.”

Looking at him, she was met with the unexpected. Eyes ablaze, mouth stern, and face unreadable. Thoughts and emotions swirled within her, feeling so much more afraid now having said the words out loud. 

Silence. That deafening silence.

  
  
Dominick’s harsh face and lack of response made Amanda want to curl up and disappear. She’d fucked it all up. Years of friendship and trust ruined. Allowing her fear to keep them apart had damaged whatever hope there’d been for a future. There was no going back, no taking it back (not that she really wanted to), and now she and the girls would lose him because she’d been a coward. Unshed tears stung behind her eyes and the fact that she couldn't stop the flow of emotions only made it worse.

Dominick would see her embarrassment, do his best to let her down gently, but she knew things would never be the same. Pity from him would break her. 

_Oh God. What have I done?_

Dominick’s dominate voice, a near growl, pulled her from her thoughts. 

“Are you kidding me, Amanda?!” 

Before she could apologize, beg him to forgive her, forget what she’d said, he moved fast as lightning.

One hand on her cheek, the other on her nape, as Dominick “Sonny” Carisi crushed their lips together. 

The kiss was savage, brutal, a claiming. Perfect. 

Breathing a sigh of relief into his mouth, she kissed him back, _hard_. All the pent up longing, wanting and excitement poured from her. She gave him everything. 

Startled by a tear that escaped her eye, Amanda pulled back to wipe it away. Dominick’s gentle thumb beat her to it, followed by a small kiss to the salty wetness on her face. She saw the slight brim of tears in his eyes and she immediately smashed their mouths back together, trying to confess all her feelings between stuttered breaths.

“I won’t fuck this up, Carisi...I promise...I’m scared...I want you more than anyone else...fuuuuuck...please don’t give up on me...”

His responses were equally as desperate. 

“Always here for you...and the girls...no matter what...not going anywhere...I know you...we can do this...fuuuuuck me…I know we can...”

Their hands were everywhere, exploring, caressing, squeezing, grabbing. His fingers were strong and deft, while also gentle and attentive. Dominick was so much sexier in real life than in her fantasies, and Amanda’s fantasies were pretty smokin’ hot. 

Suddenly, the oven timer went off. Amanda awkwardly untangled herself from him. With a shy smile, pulling down her dress, she quickly put on oven mitts, took the lasagna out to set on the counter, and returned to the living room. 

A little unsure how to engage with him or even resume their heavy petting session, Amanda just stood there. 

Carisi chuckled and reached out his hands. 

“Come here, beautiful.” The way he said it, so casual, so authentic. 

_How did I resist him for so long?_

Amanda returned to his lap, her hands on his cheeks, and his on her hips. Their mouths close, breaths mingling. 

“So now what do we do, Sonny?”

Broad smile crossed his face.

“Whatever we want, Amanda. But right now I’m going to kiss you. A lot.”

She giggled and squirmed, meeting him kiss for kiss, lick for lick, touch for the touch. 

They stayed like that for quite some time. Eventually, hunger overtook them and they ate, smiling like fools and giggling for no apparent reason. By the end of the night, they ended up snuggled in her bed, clothes on, wrapped in one another’s arms. 

Amanda had no clue what was next, not sure how to move forward, what was required to have a healthy and functional relationship. All she knew was that she would move heaven and earth if it meant having as Carisi as her partner in life.

She adored Dominick; knew he was worth the risk, and trusted that whatever time they had together would be the third best gift of her life.   
  



	2. Lost Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of their confessions to one another.
> 
> Carisi’s POV
> 
> Coda 22x04+1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here’s a little bit more to go with the original fic. Let’s call this Coda 22x04+1.
> 
> I don’t write fics quickly, but hopefully they’re worth the wait. 🤞
> 
> [There are several other fandom fics if you’d like to bide your time. *super subtle nudge, wink, shameless plug for my other work. 🙈😆]
> 
> I hope you enjoy it! 💗

Waking up with Amanda in his arms was one of the single best moments of Sonny Carisi’s life. Not entirely sure what actually happened last night or where to go from here, the simple possibility—the potential—of something _more_ was beyond worth it to him. 

There was a small puff of breath against his chest when she nestled closer, as if seeking his heat (a gift he would gladly give her in spades). Turned to his side, he wrapped his arms around the only woman who ever truly had his heart.

Amanda wasn’t wrong to worry about how their working relationship would play out, or how possible changes in their dynamic could ruin everything. Sonny had nearly all the same thoughts, almost constantly. Well, less so recently than in the past. The last time she overtly rejected him he worked really hard—for months (maybe years)—to reclaim the pieces of his heart Amanda already owned. For the most part Carisi believed he’d done a good job. Trying to keep their conversations about work or the kids, never veering too closely to the topic of relationships, minimizing one-on-one contact with her. 

But _this_ , this line they’d crossed, what she’d said, what he’d admitted. There was no going back. And for Sonny, he didn’t want to take it back, despite the risk. They’d already waited too long.

Carisi never saw himself as a man easily swayed by a woman (especially one who has made it crystal clear over the years she didn’t want a romantic relationship with him), but he _knew_ , down deep, he could never really cut ties with Rollins. There was something about her, about _them_ , that kept him from walking away completely.

There were plenty of times Carisi could have transferred houses or asked for a new partner, but his tratorious and hopeful heart was convinced he had to stay nearby. He had to have Amanda in his life, even if it meant a one-sided longing… Any half-relationship with her was better than any existence without her, right?

Sonny knew he sounded like a complete mess, borderline obsessed with a woman who always chose him last. There had been countless nights where all he wanted to do was forget the name Amanda Rollins, and the terribly beautiful emotions he felt for her. Still, as a man of integrity, Dominick knew she’d have to be the one to walk away. He didn’t possess the strength or the conviction to severe their connection. Plus, he figured with enough time maybe his romantic feelings for her would fade away, and his affection would transform into platonic feelings, maybe even a familial-like role. 

_Well not now!_

  
  


What a whirlwind! She’d put him through the wringer for years, and then last night all hell had broken loose. All he could think about, while she was confessing her feelings for him, was, “ _I must be having a stroke! No way she actually wants me back. I should probably go to the hospital._ ” 

The concept of focussing on her words, what with all the blood in his body rushing into his ears, took a near herculean effort. Every muscle in his body was taut with need, while simultaneously buzzing with anticipation. 

Amanda’s last words to him sent Carisi over the top. There was no stopping him. It was as if a switch had been turned on, and there was nothing to be done about it. 

_An unstoppable force and all that…_

So now, holding the woman who held his heart for nearly a decade, Sonny felt like he was in a fever dream he never wanted to wake up from. He’d known, always known, he could be a good life partner for Amanda, if just given the chance. It felt like a boon that she actually wanted him, wanted to _try_ with him, and, by the grace of God, seemed just as nervous and hopeful for what they could have. 

_That has to be a good sign, right?_

They’d waited a long time for this, and Carisi planned to fight tooth and nail for _them_.

Shifting next to him, arm and leg draped across his torso, her limbs held his body even tighter. As if there was anywhere in the world he’d rather be. Dominick felt like one lucky son of a bitch, as he gently squeezed her back.

“Good morning.” A whispered voice, her words spoken into the side of his chest.

Looking down at her, gently tilting her chin until their eyes met, “Good morning.” Sweeping an errant hair off her forehead, he grinned. “You okay?” 

Hoping his nerves weren’t as obvious as they felt. He waited. Waited for hours, days, weeks for her to say it was all a mistake, to unravel the illuminating tapestry of last night. Waited for her to regret, for her to worry, for her to fall back into old patterns and turn away (rather than turn toward a romantic relationship). 

Dominick Carissi waited, with a slight pain in his chest, for Amanda Rollins to meet his gaze, and tell him it was all over...before they even got started.

The waiting was agony, in and of itself, but it was nothing compared to the absolute certainty of finally knowing. The “what ifs” and the “maybes” were no longer a consideration. The truth was coming one way or another. 

Sonny Carisi had survived some shitty situations, so maybe his lifetime of resiliency and street smarts, was meant to prepare him for this very moment. The irrefutable fact that a single person held the key to his potential happiness was maddending, and yet, the _only_ option for him. Some might call him crazy, but for Dominick there was no other choice, he wasn’t going anywhere unless Amanda made that decision herself.

Those crystal blue eyes finally met his, and a slow smile crossed her lips. “Not at all, Sonny. I was thinking this is the best morning I’ve had in a long time.”

Nearly swallowing his tongue, he kissed the top of her head, and somehow formed words. “I’m glad.” 

Carisi was beside himself, the ability to have a coherent thought now a distant memory—no small feat, by the way—but he was happy, content, and for the moment, fully at peace. He held her close, hoping all his words and feelings would be felt by osmosis or some magical force in the universe.

This small moment is all he ever wanted with Amanda, and now they might even build more together, an actual life. It was too much for him, so Sonny said the only thing he could. 

“You hungry? I’m starving.” Slight pat to his belly and then to hers (more of a tickle really). He was met with giggles and his hand being slapped away. “What time are the girls getting home, anyway?”

Amanda’s amusement bubbled up, and a full bodied laugh nearly untangled them completely.

“What? What did I say?” It didn’t really matter the content, her laugh was simply beautiful to hear (regardless of the reason). 

“Carissi, I just confessed a big thing to you last night, you slept over, and you’re worried about eating and my girls?” Her blonde tresses shifted back and forth. “What the hell is wrong with me that I didn’t go after you sooner?!”

Shy smile followed by her hands on his shoulders, her slight weight pinning him down. The cascade of Amanda’s hair created a cocoon of intimacy, a small shared space, for just the two of them.

“I tried to tell you that—” His chuckled response was abruptly cut off.

“Shut up and let me make up for lost time.” 

Amanda immediately kissed him, and proceeded to do so for several hours. To be fair, there was mutual enthusiasm shared between them, lots of caressing and teasing. They accomplished nearly nothing for most of the day. There was a lot of exploration and laughing, both their lips pink and kiss-swollen when they finally took a breather. 

After tidying up a bit (trying not to look like they’d slept in their clothes), he and Amanda picked up the girls from the nanny. The foursome grabbed sandwiches from a neighborhood deli and spent the rest of the day together, like the family they’d always been. 

Nothing was official and nothing was set in stone, just an acknowledgment of mutual wanting and a willingness to try. For Carisi, he knew his time was now. To show Amanda, and her sweet girls, that they could trust him. That he wouldn’t leave them, that he was willing to protect them with his life, and that he intended to spend the rest of his days showing them all the love in his heart. Still, with nothing concrete, a glimmer of hope was all Carisi needed to begin his full court press of wooing Amanda Rollins. 

Perhaps the one and only thing she didn’t know/realize about Dominick was that when he played, he played for keeps. 

And _now..._ he had his game face on.   
  


**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for taking the time to read. 😊
> 
> Feedback and suggestions are welcome.


End file.
